Ryan Bodhi Abhijan, forager to the stars

Writing to Mum again, I gleaned a bunch of details and asked a few more questions, but refrained again from going too much into why I’m asking – it feels like a thing I should keep private here, though here be not private.

Turns out I was a week early and left struggling for my life beginning Christmas day … the sticky lung, stuck in the humidicrib designed by the same guy who apparently invented a low-cost iron lung – Edward Both, an Aussie legend. I was in there to avoid infections, and am waiting to learn how many days exactly I was in there (i know it was around a week, somewhere between V and VII days).

What I didn’t go into yet, is something i learned when i was seeing Rebecca (apsychotherapist and holotropic breathwork facilitator) in Adelaide in 2013, which is that my early experience as a baby may have established a sort of pattern based on how long i was in the humidicrib.

I am learning that, in general, when a newborn is separated from the mother’s breast at such an early age (understood, in psychology and spirituality, to be significant lifetime traumas), it’s not uncommon for the child to develop what Freud and Jung called “oral complexes”, which are a contributing factor in the development of oral addictions – smoking, drinking, eating. I began identifying as a “binge alcoholic” long before i realised i was an actual alcohlic – i guess the week was a perfect structure for me, work work work as a workaholic all week, then binge on the weekend.

There’s something in that, and understanding these as traumas and doing meditations to re-experience them through the adult perspective is a way of healing that trauma and beginning to move away from the complexes and the addictions they often cause. Addiction is a symptom, as well as the cause of other symptoms – that’s a perspective and distinction the Western system often fails to notice. I’ve written before about how love is the cure for addiction.

I also asked about Mum’s experience of breast-feeding with me. I have a hazy memory of biting the recess lady on the breast at kindergarten, but maybe i picked that memory up from this song:

I’ve also identified that i often feel grumpy when i’m hungry, but that’s changing as well as i embrace my inner forager.

Fuck yeah foraging!

evolving consciousness is our primary duty

Something else from the Collective Evolution post about expanding consciousness:

Enlightenment is simply the process of remembering who we truly are, and why we are here. The soul will require many lives to completely remember itself, and what it truly is. By living and experiencing each day, we are all gaining experiences and moving closer to englightenment.

And an interesting persepctive on the source of ego, no less. I don’t really buy into the whole puppet-master-mind theory, which seems to imply that our leaders have a degree of capacity I just haven’t seen them demonstrate – such speculation about human intelligent design just doesn’t feel convincing for me, but I guess argument is not directed at people who are familiar with feeling conviction, which obviously feels like a contradiction, yep.

Conspiracy theories aside, this film left me all zen about the feeling that personal change at a consciousness level is the primary and most-effective means for effecting change in the world – from internal to external.

The way i scribbled it down late last night after the lunar eclipse: the clip from CE reminded me 1.) if we are going through cycle after cycle until we awaken to who we are and this iteration is just unevolved, and 2.) our main purpose is to evolve enough to come home to our original source, the ideal condition, and 3.) enlightenment is just remembering who we are, then 4.) all we need to do is pursue home inside ourselves.

Sounds easy enough!

It’s a view Osho reminded me of, and which he goes into at length in his talk about meditation being the greatest charity. You can find the talk here as an eBook, or try downloading it here as an audio talk. I don’t know which file it is here, as i haven’t downloaded them all from here myself yet, but that audio link is to the full series of talks called The Rebellious Spirit, yep!

There is a quote from Einstein at the end, which I suspect is edited from the original, but whatever:

No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it.

We all know it. So let’s do it.

awareness, personality and illuminating our individual nature

an experiment in looping comments with posts

I posted yesterday about behaviour: acceptance vs justification, and in response to this comment from Egi-RaZoRZ, i wrote:

I like how this reply loops around and around itself … ellipses itself? Because of course neither justification nor acceptance could or should precede or succeed the other, and one is not more important or right or wrong than the other. I guess i just feel a tendency to justify sometimes, and i feel this gets in the way of acceptance — when a tendency develops, the way we respond to our own behaviour can become unbalanced, and therefore unhealthy and unprogressive. Acceptance and awareness can shed light on such a tendency and help us to move on.

Conscious behaviour — that is a whole other thing, if by conscious you mean wilful or intentional. I guess i was referring to unconscious behaviour — to tendencies. I have long wondered about the meaning of “behaviour”: is it an expression of personality, and therefore not representative of an individual’s real nature? Can the light of awareness dispel personality and allow us to act from our individual nature?

Egi-RaZoRZ had commented:

But I think that conscious behavior is (or should be, anyway) in a way a psychological mirror of your own self… Also, justifying something in a sane way would give it a logical meaning, which is nothing wrong, I guess, in addition to the final stage which is the acceptance of it. Maybe I got it all wrong. Oh well, maybe. ^^

If you have trouble justifying something, it does not mean it is wrong. Maybe it is simply beyond the necessity to do so! Which is also a good thing, I’d guess. 🙂

Something else about yesterday’s post, in which i wrote “I’m not sure why i keep thinking and talking in terms of dichotomies lately (this vs that)”:

during an exchange with a friend on Facebook i was directed to consider theosophy after i expressed an interest in gnosis (direct experience of “god”), and through reading about theosophy i found some stuff about non-dualism, which i have always valued in a latent sort of way — i suspect that i have been wondering about dichotomies so much lately because in my spiritual practice i am increasingly sensing an absence of Separation, whereas dualism asserts and informs a belief in Separation.

So yeah, that happened.