intimacy and shit cants

I wrote to an online friend yesterday because i’d been thinking of a conversation we’re having about intimacy, and i’ve been learning through experience again that intimacy is precious and not to be squandered on just anyone, and especially not with people who don’t respect it. I remembered a link i shared with him about the last time i reflected on the subject, and was half-surprised that there i expressed my new feelings about intimacy in essentially the same way i have above. It’s one of those node moments, where you realise there is continuity in the development of your value system and the way this manifests in your daily life. I’ve been cutting and burning a lot of deadwood lately, in myself and in relationships with toxic people who aren’t taking responsibility for their involvement in the world and in their relationship with me. It’s been quite brutal actually, the finality with which i’ve been accepting decisions to withdraw my energy from relationships where there is no intimate feedback, only a great sucking vortex of negativity and recalcitrant wallowing in existential filth. Friends and i have been referring to such people as, alas, shit cunts who don’t own their shit. We render it shit cants to help ourselves understand they are not actual cunts, just behaving like cunts. That’s how i feel about it anyway – if their behaviour is repeatedly cunty, i withdraw either completely from the relationship or i withdraw the level of intimacy i was offering. Whether they have cheated me or lied or gossiped about me, their behaviour suggests they do not respect me or the intimate friendship we might have developed. It’s been brutal, but i’m seeing that by cutting out people who don’t respect themselves enough to be honest with themselves, much less us, we make room for our own self-respect to flourish and we begin to attract others with enough self-respect and self-love and to respect and love another.

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