Writing to Mum just now, asking for information about my birth, i signed off as Ryan Bodhi Abhijan, a format i used first on a zine i was putting together yesterday.
I began to explain that construction, but realised that sharing such information is generally just an unnecessarily confusing overshare (UCO or, to make an acronym from a typical 90s descriptor for the clumsy, UnCO). You don’t know what i’m talking about, neither does she, so going into it hereorthere, it’s bound to cause a social fumbling of sorts, and anyway, it’s the sort of thing i want to allow to percolate in my being fornow,
because who wants to appear uncoordinated?, even when you know you’re more coordinated than ever.
One thing, though, is
i have been exploring the meaning of my names and finding there are parallels between my sannyasin name and my birth name, which is both surprising and unsurprising:
i feel both more myself as Ryan and more and more ever-renewed as Abhijan; both more in touch with what i thought of as my old identity and more in touch with my new, old self …
a lot of conditioning, major ego structures and behavioural patterns are dropping away, and i am becoming more and more a master of myself,
and to do so has required going back through my experience of childhood and re#membering it from the perspective of adulthood.
It’s some#thing like past-life regression, and is an actual thing. It’s an actualthing like past-life regression.
I have been doing meditations recently that are helping me to recall the chronology and details of my childhood,
and i am seeing that my former memory-set had been woefully patchy and sketchy, likely a combination of general natural suppression of traumatic experiences and a pretty hectic history of chronic pot and alcohol abuse, not to mention all the sugar, mainstream entertainment and tobacco, plus coffee and pohtaytoes.
But the memories are coming back and i’m learning to respect the sacred herb again, so there’s hope for much positive re#membering,
which feels like un-dis-membering my soul or,
and it’s happening naturally, without loads of awareness raising drugs, intuitively,
so that’s cool!
But it’s not the sort of gnarly esoteric decoding you want to just drop on Mum in an email because you’re having some sort of unexpected sexual and spiritual awakening with your new girlfriend under the guidance of three super moons and an offsetting solar eclipse, yeah. I don’t even know what that means, and it’s confusing enough to understand it, let alone relate that understanding – like acid … you don’t #shareyouracid stories with Mum, you just don’t. Just send a nice, polite enquiry about the details of your birth.