I have changed my plans again, this time to stay in Greece for a few more months because i have a sense of home here, now. Something shifted when i decided to stay, which wasn’t as much a decision as it was a relinquishment, a letting go of some idea i had about the future.
I was going to Thailand and India via Australia, China, Laos and a few other places in between: back to Australia to get Mulga Bill Massive, my poor neglected touring bike, so i could cycle around in search of another community.
But around the thought of leaving Greece there was a feeling of an anxiety, which fell away when i knew i wouldn’t yet have to go back through Istanbul, Dubai, Adelaide, just to get my bike and ride to Byron or somewhere. I need community, communion, and here i have it, now, so why leave? Leaving a community in Greece to go in search of a community elsewhere is like going into a shop with a dollar and asking to buy a dollar.
When i realised this, the anxiety fell away and relief emerged, bright and luminous as the stars appear to be when you get out of the city for the first time.
There are people i’ve met here who are my age, thirty or more, and they hadn’t seen stars like these before recently. I say to them i am lucky to come from Australia where the cities are not so big and the country so vast it’s rarely a long drive to see some mackin stars, but stars are there for all to see – you don’t need luck to seek them out, inside or out.
A guy told me he saw the stars in the palms of his hands when he rubbed them together and placed them open over open eyes. I think it’s a yoga thing, this technique. I tried it just now and it didn’t work, but i trust that it could if your energy is charged by some practice. When i did it just now there was a glimmer, but i’ve been indulging in unconscious awareness these last few days, celebrating this homecoming and assimilating the understanding emerging from the breathwork course we did, and not resting enough, so my energy has receded somewhat.
But home is where the energy is, i sense that now, here, and it’s always there for when we want to contact it.
What does it mean to sense home?, to have a sense of home. What is home?, and how do we sense it? With which sense apparatus?
I replied to Leela that i was born in Australia but now i’m beginning to feel more at home in the world – no borders, no nations. If i did not feel this, i would not believe it – when i set out for Asia that time, that was one of my objectives: to become a man of the world. I returned to my home country more homeless than ever before. In case of failure, try try again.
To become. Becoming. What does that mean? Becoming – to be coming home, perhaps.
Wow. Maybe that’s what this feeling is: becoming.
I had a tarot card and chakra reading session the other day. That was the kicker: it was in that session that i dropped my attachment to plans – a quick back-of-the-consciousness calculation of what was pulling me to Australia, an appraisal of the nature of any obligation i felt to others who support me there, from afar, and i realised my only obligation is to my self, which is not quite selfishness and even maybe almost selflessness, because i’m not staying here to enjoy a nice lazy holiday, i’m doing this to heal myself and, thereby, the world,
because we are of the world and the world is of us – we reside in the world and the world resides in us, and by healing ourselves, we come home to this, back to that original unity that was once contained within less than whatever existed before the Bang.
One of the cards that came up was Rebirth, in the sternum chakra. The others: Fighting in the base chakra; something in the hara; that Rebirth card; something in the heart; The Source in the throat; Politics in the third eye; Trust in the crown. Powerful cards, and interesting that i can’t remember some.
Fighting i could not face, my base chakra deeply blocked. Having this feeling of rebirthing affirmed was a relief. Receiving The Source in the throat inspired tears of mostly joy, but some sadness that i’m choking on a sense that i will communicate divine truths, or that i already am. Politics in my third eye i didn’t want to believe, though now it makes sense if politics is the outgrowth of an intellect-heavy state of human consciousness where spirituality might be the outgrowth of an intuition-rich collective conscioussness. And Trust in the divine i have, the creative energy – so it was nice to have that show up in the reading.
Rebirth and The Source are the cards that resonated most strongly with me, and are much of the reason i’m sticking around:
i want to be rebirth into the world so that i can accelerate this journey home; i’ve been feeling this movement in me for some time, and ‘rebirthing’ is the most-appropriate label i’ve yet received for describing what has been happening to me. ‘Saturn Returns’ is something i don’t understand, but maybe that’s a label for the same thing. ‘Awakening’ may be another, thought it feels too grand.
For now, here i am. Coming home. Thanks to everyone who’s been involved, but right now i want to especially thank Rebecca, my holotropic breathwork therapist in Australia. Rebecca, you told me i would have a wonderful time here because people in this part of the world are more open, more passionate, more outward with their emotion. You said i would meet with people who are more like me, sensitive and loving. Well, here i am. Thank you.
Her şey için, teşekkur ederim.